He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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