I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
