I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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