Don't you send me to vm
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
