Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize