Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
