Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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