One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
