His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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