just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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