Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
