Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
