Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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