careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize