why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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