dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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