Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
