she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
