cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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