I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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