My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize