i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
