4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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