it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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