I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
