She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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