i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
