just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
