GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
