You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
