Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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