Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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