why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
