And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
