She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
