I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
