i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
plz talk dirty to me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
