how can u be prego again
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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