You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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