Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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