I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Randomize
