butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
