when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
