Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
