A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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