That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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