mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
