Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
