Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just blew my weed a kiss
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
