We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
