Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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