a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
