I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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