she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
