So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize