At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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