Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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