I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
