Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
