How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
