the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
