you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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