I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
