is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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