what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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