Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
