I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ladies don't puke and tell
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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