i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
