I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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