a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
