bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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