i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize