I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
