Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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