brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
