i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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