Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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