Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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