What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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