Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize