yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
